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Is this a good synopsis of a short story Im working on?
The shadows in the room danced upon his lowered face. The candle on the coffee table flickered as he spoke. "I've come with urgent news, sir." The other in the room grew unnerved by the cool chill that now grasped each man's fears. "The men, now, have been three days in the mountains searching," commenced the messenger. "They are—we are—all concerned as to your intentions?" The General arose slowly from his weathered wicker rocker. Grey-haired, he was aged with time, yet strengthened by age. His wisdom surpassed that of his predecessors. He stared calmly into the eyes of the messenger. The room fell silent. The General spoke. "You tell the troo—No. You tell the men that, God as my witness, that platoon will be found. I don't care if Beelzebub himself was in those hills. Those soldiers are coming home!" The messenger, weary of the words that were spoken, turned abruptly and left the room. The General fell to his rocker and, with his hands pressed sternly upon his forehead, whispered. "God, help us all."
4 Answers
i think it is good but i also think it needs to be shortened.don't write like the story just have like the shadows danced,the candle flickered. hope this helps
It's great, I love the touch of mystery in every sentence. And be sure to put the tension/fear of the characters, of the General. Play on feelings, it helps others feel more for the characters therefore enter the story easier and can even play with the readers emotions.
no
This is the sort of thing you should turn into poetry.
Unclear prose is just annoying to everyone except the person writing it. It's supposed to encourage us to read on. We have no idea what is happening so our only encouragement in this synopsis is our trust that you, an unknown writer, no offense intended, will produce something remarkable. Odds will make us look elsewhere.
Write the story first. Recognize what is the most interesting thing about it, then try to blend that in subtly to a synopsis.
Good luck
This should be called a snippet from the story not a synopsis. For the simple fact that we have no idea what is going on. They Synopisis is used to grab the reader not bore them to death. I am sorry but this synopisis bore me. Maybe if I were to read the whole story not just this piece I might actually enjoy it.

•The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. -Jane Austen
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